Joy

I must talk about something that has been on my heart for a while now, and that is joy. Recently I have learned what joy is exactly. That may seem a bit odd since for most people joy is just...well...being happy I suppose. But I have learned how to obtain it. How to be it. How to live it. And how to grow in it. And that is what I would like to share.

Around the beginning of this school year I started asking God to bless my day each morning and to give me joy and peace. The problem was is that I did not believe that he would. Instead of accepting his blessings I continued to worry and fret and fear that my day would be horrible. Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't, but whenever it was just as I had feared, I took into the habit of blaming God and complaining to him about how "you said you would bless me. Why didn't you?" Never complain to God when it's your fault (cuz it always is your fault. That's reality). It gets you no where.

This went on for quite some time until just a few weeks ago (very ashamed that it's taken me so long). A few weeks ago I was tired of it all. Tired of the drama I was causing inside my heart. Tired of the worrying and the fretting and the fearing. Tired of claiming God's blessing but still doubting that he would bless. I hated where my life had come and my thoughts and words and actions had come to rest. Day in and day out I would worry about the future; I would "borrow trouble" (as in worry about things that might not even possibly happen), and I would seek only to please myself. But I'm not here to please myself. I wasn't put into a public school for no reason. I wasn't given certain situations in my life for no reason. Sure, many of the situations I brought upon myself by disobeying God and sinning, but in the end God always helped me get through them. He always provided peace and comfort and a shoulder to lean on as well as loving arms to embrace. And that's when I began to realize just how wrong I had been in viewing life.

That night a few weeks ago (night always seems to be the time I do my best-and worst-thinking) I gave it all to him. Oh, I had given it to him countless times before, but I had never truly believed it in my heart. See, you can pray things all you want to God but unless you really mean it inside your heart, your not going to get anywhere. What did I give to God? My worries, my doubts, my fears, my troubles, my terrors, my peace, my joy, my story, my heart. Because I made a realization...Nothing that I have He does not already own. Nothing that I can give He has not already given me. I am but a reflection of Him, a vessel to be used for the glory of His will and His divine power. Because everything that I am: my breathe, my character, my mind, my soul, my body, All belong to Jesus.

From there my whole aspect of life began to change. No, I am not perfect and am far from it, but I have come to accept my circumstances as they are, to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow shall worry about itself (Matthew 6), and to trust God with my whole being. I have learned that it is His joy and not my own. He has given me His joy to use, and I can either accept it or reject it. I can choose to have a blessed day. I can choose to have faith that, no matter what happens, God will always take care of me. And I can choose to give all I am to God each and every morning and to expect Him to use me in whatever way He wishes. Cause honestly I rather be stuck in chains, sawed in two, or be bombarded with language at school every day, then to not have the love of God inside of my heart and to not have Him in control of my life.

Love,
Becca =)